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How does an average card game resemble a night of sex?

If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Sender Brian Luznak



Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words,
what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing
on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes
creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Lttle Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that
since my Abner died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and
excited I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so
"spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April
Fool!"! And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

Sender Brian Luznak


An american guy walks into an Irish pub and with much anger shouts out, "You Irish are all the same. You're mean. You always smell. And you spend all your free time fucking goats, sheep, and chickens." There is a silent pause for awhile, then finally one put-off irishman stands up and exclaims, "Chickens?"

Sender Brian Luznak


Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, Iím getting married this weekend and my fiancée thinks Iím a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?" The doctor says, "Medically, no, but hereís something you can try. On the wedding night, when youíre getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him itís your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that? The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping." The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, itís got my balls!"

Sender Unknown


Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, W'll never forget you!'

Sender John Smith

Total: 5



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